Why is there no *Tsssst*?

From: Aaron
Date: Monday 23 July 2012 6.52pm
To:  Consumerresponse@cokecce.com
Subject: Why is there no *Tsssst*?

Dear Cola-Coca,

     I would like to begin by introducing myself as a major consumer of your products, regularly depleting several cans of your finest each day. Due to this obsession, I was recently mortified to discover a shear lack of carbon dioxide upon gaining access to a newly purchased can of Coca-Cola. 

     I eagerly anticipated the soothing fizzing noise one receives after twisting the cap or cracking the seal on a primed can of goodness. Although to my dismay, no such noise was apparent or present, the magnitude of my disappointment hence rose further as I put my lips to the ice-cold can and attempted a sip. This was met by the stale taste of "gone-off" Cola, I immediately checked the "Best-Before" date on the can which turned out to be well within tolerable limits, due to this bewildering circumstance I then proceeded to open a second can from the 6-pack I purchased this afternoon in order to clarify this as an anomaly. Yet to my horror I discovered this can to also have a scarcity of CO₂ which led me to compose this E-Mail of concern.

     I would like to conclude by saying that I have not recently contracted an intolerance to carbon dioxide and that I carefully scrutinised the cans with a metaphoric fine-toothed-comb for any signs of tampering, no such assumptions were found to be true.

     Thank you for your concern on this matter of distress.

Kind regards, Aaron.