Fat lady

today i went to a shop i like called ASDA they put it in the big letters so you can see it from far away and i bought some crisps and ice cream and chocolate and rice crispies but i had a little pump beside a fat lady and i am sure she sucked it up cause it only made a smell for 2 seconds and then it went away

 

NED LAD.

AaronW draws after two cans #1

i had a can, got it for my birthday, special brew
then i had a forstures, then i drew you this pictures

appreciate it please or i will come to your house, kick your door in and rearrange your pots and pans into an unsightly order
the end

notice that there's a seagull, some wafflage and a curly bill with no pupils, this is like real life because currlybill does have pupils but they're round the back, looking into his head

Why is there no *Tsssst*?

From: Aaron
Date: Monday 23 July 2012 6.52pm
To:  Consumerresponse@cokecce.com
Subject: Why is there no *Tsssst*?

Dear Cola-Coca,

     I would like to begin by introducing myself as a major consumer of your products, regularly depleting several cans of your finest each day. Due to this obsession, I was recently mortified to discover a shear lack of carbon dioxide upon gaining access to a newly purchased can of Coca-Cola. 

     I eagerly anticipated the soothing fizzing noise one receives after twisting the cap or cracking the seal on a primed can of goodness. Although to my dismay, no such noise was apparent or present, the magnitude of my disappointment hence rose further as I put my lips to the ice-cold can and attempted a sip. This was met by the stale taste of "gone-off" Cola, I immediately checked the "Best-Before" date on the can which turned out to be well within tolerable limits, due to this bewildering circumstance I then proceeded to open a second can from the 6-pack I purchased this afternoon in order to clarify this as an anomaly. Yet to my horror I discovered this can to also have a scarcity of CO₂ which led me to compose this E-Mail of concern.

     I would like to conclude by saying that I have not recently contracted an intolerance to carbon dioxide and that I carefully scrutinised the cans with a metaphoric fine-toothed-comb for any signs of tampering, no such assumptions were found to be true.

     Thank you for your concern on this matter of distress.

Kind regards, Aaron.

why does this potnoodle taste like fags?

first thing's first, it's not a potnoodle, before potnoodle come kicking my door down and trying to rape me with a ten inch dildo made from cold steel, it's a snack noodle, and i know they wont come and break my door down because they're all masturbators, this is a beef flavoured snack noodle and i made it using some warm water out of our magic warm water machine, it's not even a kettle.

it's like a very very warm tap, kinda like one of those toasters with the conveyor belt, but for water instead of cheap bread

so that can't be the bit that tastes like fags, because i even went back and tried some of the water to see if it was dirty tobacco water, but it was nice clean water

anyways this potnoodle tastes like fags and if anyone knows why then they can write in to PO box 3 or something, i'm not sure

flip you fakenoodle
have some curly bill bset

drugs

Sharks and Smegma

Imagine a place, where apples grow out of the sides of sheep

imagine a place where sharks can fly, but only for very short periods of time, afterwhich they violently explode, but they have no way of knowing they're going to explode, so they always blow up over cities on the coast
oh and also, they can only ever do it after they've mated, before you come all up in my grills being like YEAHMAN BUT DEM BE DIE OUT IZZNT IT GUVNAH
so HAH!

okay right, stop imagining those things because they're very boring compared to this next thing

imagine you know a little feller called curly bill bent
and a picture of him appears on the facingbooks

now look, the other week our dear friend with an abundance of smegma took part in this photograph
as you can clearly see, a blowjob has just taken place, hence the big grin on curlybill bents face, and the amount of smegma around his now ill friends face

thing is, i didn't see this picture as a post blowjob photograph, i saw it as an oportunity

i've never used photoshop in my life before, infact i only learned what is was this morning, and i've been told that it can be used to make an image slightly different, i'd seen examples where someones face had been flipped upside down and their skin a nasty shade of green, so i decided i would pick up my mouse and give it a go

i then put the mouse back down and used it like a normal human being

how did i do?

Famous quotes by curlybill: #1

"What's that word you call somebody when they're unconscious?... Oh yeah, unconscious eh"

What time is it in the world?

Hello there.

Hello people, I am saying "Hello" to all the other humans out there in the planets, there is about 15 countries in the Earth with at least 67 towns each, therefore I predict there is close to 682billion people around, this leads me to the conclusion that waffles are made in a grid-like pattern.

what is this?

i don't know why i'm here, or what i'm doing. but i think i may be lost in the internets
however i will tell you a story, first i will set the scene
i am very bad with words, so i will use pictures to show my story environment and characters

once upon a time, in the land of cliche and sharks who cant swim because they are dead, there was a young boy called curlybillbent

curlybillbent looked very tall and thin and always carried an umbrella with him incase the rain started to pour, like the tears of his dissapointed parents when they discovered that he was, inface no good at anything he ever did.
hang on, i forgot to draw his hair

i am not good with computer, so i have had to draw his hair seperatley from his body because i don't know how to make the old picture come back to the screen

anyways, curlybillbent was about to embark on a very important mission, a mission so important that the very fate of the world could bepend upon this single task, but i can't think of what it should be because i am bad with stories

suddenly, TINNED FISH appeared and then curly bill needed to find a tinopener inorder to harvest the succulent flesh of a once, very alive, playful fish, inorder for him to survive and maintain the breath of a man who had long since passed away

curlybillbent ventured to the kitchen to fnid an implement he could use to reveal the succulent meat
hold on, i will draw the kitchen

the kitchen looked very bad because curly bill had only just awoken from a deep slumber, he had dreampt of a land filled with glass, right up to the top of the sky in the world, but not that nice glass like you might find at the beach, that nasty glass that you find in the park scattered around the bins, dirty brown aids-stained glass, but it wasn't too bad because it was only dream aids, and that's not half as bad as imaginary aids, i mean don't get me wrong it's still bad but imaginary aids you're like awake and you're thinking of it on purpose, and you're a sick individual

right, where was i
curlybillbent searched very muchly through the draws in his kitchen










 but sadly, there was nothing of use to curlybillbent, except ofcourse for the vibrating double action superheat treated plasma conducting wobble action, real genuine firing ballequipped megaultra nintendo DS charger in the top right hand corner of the draw, as his ds has previously ran flat, after playing too much mario and the double headed knife throttler version 2, curly bill thought of a better idea


he put the tuna in the bin and moved on with his life

THEND by Aaronwillyarms